Two
terrorists of the bearded variety, not the Irish type, were sitting around in
their pokey, anthrax smelling flat.
“C’mon, let’s hijack something,” said the
first terrorist as he recklessly waved a stick of dynamite in the air.
“When I finish this,” the other one muttered without even looking up from his Sudoku. The terrorist wielding the dynamite peered over the shoulder of his friend. To his horror he discovered that he had put an 8 in a section where there already was one. He pondered whether he should say it to him or not but in the end he decided to leave it be. He’d have to learn the hard way .
“When I finish this,” the other one muttered without even looking up from his Sudoku. The terrorist wielding the dynamite peered over the shoulder of his friend. To his horror he discovered that he had put an 8 in a section where there already was one. He pondered whether he should say it to him or not but in the end he decided to leave it be. He’d have to learn the hard way .
THE JUDGE
“I sentence
you to life in prison,” the Judge bellowed. The guilty woman’s children and
husband wept uncontrollably while her elderly mother collapsed.
The Judge stared at the ground, uncomfortable with the scene unfolding before
him. While gazing down at the floor he noticed a ranchero which must have
fallen out of the bag that he had eaten with his lunch two days ago. That’s long past the 5
second rule, the Judge thought as he smiled to himself.
He arrived home
that night and was greeted by the aroma of his wife Trudy’s beef bourguignon.
“How was work,” Trudy asked as she set the table.
“Fine. I
gave her life in prison. Oh and I found a ranchero on the floor beneath my
seat.”“How was work,” Trudy asked as she set the table.
“Hope you didn’t eat it. That’s well past the 5 second rule.”
“Shutup Trudy.”
FIREMEN
The fire
truck roared by, weaving in and out of the way of startled motorists. An
attractive blonde who was sat at a bus shelter, held her hands up to her ears in order to
mask the deafening cries of the siren. The
one called Ed turned to his colleagues and scoffed, “I’d like to show her my
big red fire engine.” The truck erupted with laughter. Ladies and gentlemen I give you your so called heroes.
LADY GAGA AND THE FUNFAIR
Lady Gaga
awoke bright and early one summer morning, trembling with excitement. Today was the day that her Aunty, Mildred Gaga, was taking her to the funfair and Lady
Gaga had been looking forward to it for weeks. She removed her nightie made
from shake n vac and quickly threw on a brand new, sparkly dress made out of
rejection letters that various adoption agencies had sent to childless couples.
After she wolfed down her breakfast she sat daydreaming about all the fun rides
she was going to go on. She looked at the clock and to her surprise, realised
that her Aunt, who was always punctual, was 15 minutes late. “How very peculiar” Lady Gaga
exclaimed. Suddenly her telephone rang and she rushed to answer it, believing
that it would be Aunty Mildred apologising for her tardiness and explaining
that she’s stuck in a troublesome traffic jam.
“Hello.”
“Hello, is this Lady Gaga?” a solemn, deep voice asked.
“Why yes it is,” Lady Gaga replied.
“Lady Gaga, this is Sergeant Wilson. I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your Aunt Mildred has been killed in a car accident. I’m so very sorry"
Lady Gaga dropped the phone in shock. She ran, sobbing, to her bedroom where in order to console herself she wrote and recorded some terrible music.
“Hello.”
“Hello, is this Lady Gaga?” a solemn, deep voice asked.
“Why yes it is,” Lady Gaga replied.
“Lady Gaga, this is Sergeant Wilson. I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your Aunt Mildred has been killed in a car accident. I’m so very sorry"
Lady Gaga dropped the phone in shock. She ran, sobbing, to her bedroom where in order to console herself she wrote and recorded some terrible music.
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